To all people
Hello, my mountaineer. If you were looking for something here, it probably doesn't exist anymore. While I've always said I needed to maintain this page better, I never really have, and I'm no longer in the interest of doing so. I have decided to get a fresh start elsewhere. You won't be seeing any more projects from me.
If there was something you wanted from me, I am sure you know where to find me with enough digging. I have decided to at least keep this place around for Ai. It's a shame with how quiet it has gotten - I kept thinking I want to gauge the frequency of submissions, but ever since the Bad Event that occurred this decade, there have only been five. With my lack of online activity and the rate of a papers per year, I figure hosting is more for posterity's sake - and with the era of "artificial intelligence"... Let's just say I had already seen it stunted first-hand. But at sixty-seven papers, I have been eternally grateful to have seen so many people's wishes. Thank you.
You may bookmark this domain as my new home, though I will be more clean and candid with my ways. I believe that's all I have to say to all of you. I have a personal letter to the one I'm sure won't see it, but for my conscious, it's here. You'll know.
We may not meet again, my voyager. I still know not know your days, your thoughts, your feelings, just that you may still end up being A-O.K.
I still always wonder about you almost each and every day. I cannot help but keep you in my mind. Sometimes I think that it's a sort of illness, but this feeling has always been chronic. This unnatural behaviour has always been a part of me, even if I have no right to feel it. I truly, truly am hoping that if you haven't already gained the happiness you deserve, you find it soon enough.
Even though you're not the one who needs the apology, I still apologize to you that I let you down, that I did not keep that dignity I mentioned and have been quoting long since. I had answered my own certainty over the thought that I would never see you again.
And yet, I will still feel unable to move on and not think of you. Not just because of why things ended up the way they did. Your mannerisms, energy, and spirit affected me much more than anyone I knew, and I see you in many places, especially when catching myself. You have had such a profound impact on me, and I can only imagine how many more people that spirit of yours will impact.
I can't say that it will mean anything. I know I am stuck with my own delusions like I always have been. But I just want to state that, even if I'm a broken person with a stained, broken name, that I still believe in you. I will never be close to someone like you again, nor am I trustworthy, but I can at least trust this thought. Even if I'm upset, or confused, or speculative, I feel like I can be calm and fade away forever when I remember this.
Thank you, genuinely, for the memories that I will forever struggle to get rid of. It's an irony to wish that I had never met people like you to have these feelings, but it only shows how much meaning and positivity those times gave to me. Like with you and others, it's time I made my own memories, but I am glad I got to know of your existence, if but for a fleeting ten years.
I know how despicable and one-sided it might seem, but I still love you. Like a brother. We are such stuff as dreams are made on - and our little life is rounded with a sleep.
~ Fin.